2 thoughts on “Of Banners and Buffoons”

  1. You have no idea how much this comic resonates with me…

    Your situation reminds me of the time I personally trained this stunning young lady to win an exotic dancing competition. She had blond hair down her back. Amazing eyes and equally amazing body. Her talent was insane and her raw charisma was hard to ignore. She had no ego whatsoever and total joy to work with. The contest was an audience choice thing and I had every confidence that she would win. There was no way she could lose.

    My apprentice completely rocked the stage, with an absolutely complex striptease that under normal circumstances would taken months to learn. She followed my choreography to the tee, was absolutely sincere and passionate in her delivery. To top it off, this Midwest white as Wonder Bread dancer managed to channel Josephine Baker like nobody’s business. She was unreal. The crowd went insane for her. It was this dancer’s first time on stage — EVER! The only reason she even entered was because she saw me perform earlier in the month and she wanted to learn how to dance like me for the fun of it. Proud of her, did not even begin to describe it.

    The celebrity guy choosing the winner unfortunately was too dramatic for a small North Dakota stage. Instead of just announcing the winner, he decided to do some complimentary speechifying to the loser prior to announcing the winner so “she wouldn’t feel bad.” The hostess on the DJ booth, being a great-looking bimbo, declared the winner to be another equally stunning dancer who was infinitely less talented and was dressed up as Rainbow Brite and handed her the $500 check and prize package. Celebrity guy even tried signaling at the hostess to no avail. She was too busy announcing the winner.

    The crowd was booing and confused. I completely lost my shit. My hand-picked entrant was bewildered and in tears.. I asked the management, WTF? After everything was figured out, the DJ booth hostess realized that she had made a HORRIBLE mistake, but by then Rainbow Brite had already left the building with check in hand.

    The one silver lining: My candidate was offered a house dancer contract as a consolation prize and the DJ booth hostess was never seen from at the club again. My apprentice continues to perform throughout the Midwest. I am happy for her, but I am still somewhat irritated at the whole situation to this day.

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